Controversy Wednesday: STAY-AT-HOME VS. WORKING MOMS

13 Oct

We can do it?

Hmmm, this would be an interesting Celebrity Death Match, wouldn’t it?  The mom wearing the rumpled pantsuit and pearls swings her Blackberry into the face of the mom wearing stretchy black yoga pants and Nikes.  Stay-At-Home Mom deflects the jab with a sippy cup while Working Mom uses a long-since manicured hand to pull Stay-At-Home’s ratty split-ended tresses. 

And so on and so forth.  The point?  Nobody wins.

The debate on whether moms should stay home with their children or return to work is a raging one, which is funny because, like so many other current arguments, it did not really exist 100 years ago. 

Here is my choice: As a mother (wait, let me restate that: As a married mother whose husband agrees with her), I have never considered working outside the home an option.   This has as much to do with my desires for Seabass - that he would have a mother who is present in his childhood every step of the way – as much as it does for my own desires – to be recognized and to recognize myself as a person of worth and value without having to prove it with a big fancy career. 

That last part probably rubbed you the wrong way.  That’s okay.  It’s Controversy Wednesday!

A lot of opinions supporting working moms say something to the effect of “why spend four+ years of your life in higher education just to turn around and raise children from home?”  I don’t like that argument one bit.  Since when did education serve the sole purpose of placing people in jobs?  (Footnote: That wacky girl from the Bronx who is suing her college for her unemployment.)  The whole “student-as-worker” metaphor just doesn’t sit right with me.  Sure, I’m saying that from the luxuriously bourgeois position of having received a degree from a good school. 

But there is data demonstrating that college graduates are happier than non-college-graduates, and I have to believe that it isn’t ALL about the money.  Isn’t it possible that the simple act of learning is valuable for more than just making big bucks? 

And speaking of making money, yes, I do make a little, but it sure ain’t what it used to be.  Working as a freelance writer from home during Seabass’ four napping hours a day doth hardly a career make.  But here’s how much we wanted him to have an ever-present mom:

  • We sold our home and pay less in rent than we did on our old mortgage.
  • We drive two cars that we own outright, which are 11 and 17 years old, and both of which have over 150,000 miles on them.  (Hooray for Japanese durability!) 
  • Jake brings his lunch to work. 
  • We don’t have TV.
  • We don’t have data plans on our cell phones. 
  • And a righteously fun night out most often includes a double feature at the drive-in, a bottle of white wine and take-out Indian food. 

This isn’t a pity party.  It’s just a reminder that sometimes, the best things in life don’t require installation, APR financing or a 3G network.  Do I want to own a home, a new car, and a plasma TV?  (Is the Pope Catholic?  Does a bear potty in the woods?  Is Murph’s breath rancid?)  Of course  I do.  But I’m not willing to give up my time with Seabass for it, so the price had better be right.

See, I don’t want to have to define the time I spend with Seabass as quality time.  I just want to spend time with him - even mundane time.  Even just being near one another time.  I really like how Penelope Trunk put it in a recent blog post - ironic, because I don’t often agree with her.

This is not a decision that a woman makes on her own.  It requires the unwavering and critical support of her partner….or his partner – I’ve also seen this work for stay-at-home dads.  I love reading stories about people who gave up “the golden toaster” to make less money in creative ways so they could stay home to spend time – not just quality time – with their kids. 

Have I alienated you yet?  Well, with all of that being said, I should also share that I have many friends who are terrific parents AND work outside the home.  The kids are well-adjusted and well-loved, and the parents are living full (VERY FULL) and fulfilling lives.  Maybe it’s a case-by-case thing.  Maybe not.  [Awkward pause]…what do you think?

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42 Responses to “Controversy Wednesday: STAY-AT-HOME VS. WORKING MOMS”

  1. Rachael v. October 13, 2010 at 9:42 am #

    I love the part about education not being about making money. Cody and I knew I would stay home before we got married. I think it is an important subject to talk about pre-marriage. I have seen very bad outcomes for those who don’t. I still got my degree and am so happy I did. I love that I understand Cody’s work when he needs to vent or that I can be a good teacher to my kids if we homeschoool! Staying at home is tough but I know in 20 years I will be happy that I didn’t miss my kids growing up.

  2. Oma October 13, 2010 at 10:06 am #

    As a former stay-at-home-mom, I can say, without hesitation or doubt, it was the best decision I (we) ever made. Now that I am at the other end of it, and have friends who are raking in enormous pensions from years in the corporate world, I can honestly say I have no regrets. None.
    I loved your comment that education should not equal making $$$ too.
    Love,
    yer ma.

  3. Megan October 13, 2010 at 10:36 am #

    As a married-mother-whose-husband-agrees-with-her, I’m just going to say: No regrets. Broke, but no regrets. (Having a husband whose mid-life crisis consisted of walking away from a paying job to work for free didn’t help the ‘broke’ part, but that’s not the kids’ fault.) You won’t find a smidgen of controversy from me. ;)

  4. Hannah Rubalcava October 13, 2010 at 11:15 am #

    I have gone back to work after a short 8 weeks after each kid. BUT I have had jobs either from home OR extremely flexible. ALSO have been extremely lucky to have a Mom and Mother-in-law that take excellent care of our kids. Do I sometimes wish I stayed at home, yes. But not a reality at this point in life. So I chose a part time job where I can work from home, whenever I can squeeze it in. Lucky to have been given that opportunity. Just want to state that a second income is not for the luxuries though- we do not have data plans, a plasma TV, or cable…and we don’t even go to the drive in- our “night out” generally consists of borrowing a DVD from a friend. (In fact my husband and I have the same b-day…we celebrated with a burger from in-and-out and shared fries LOL) And no, no pity party here- we do ok, but have to plan for later- 3 kids in college will be expensive and so will retirement :)So I just want to clarify working Moms are not necessarily doing it for a status symbols or for a drive for self-fulfillmet outside the house- just planning for the future for my kiddos.

    • jaimeclewis October 13, 2010 at 12:30 pm #

      Fair enough, and it sounds like we’re somewhat similar in that we both work from home. Good for you for planning for your chicks.

  5. Keilah October 13, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    I consider my situation a bit different. I am a stay-at-home mom but I am also a working mom. I get the best of both worlds, right now. I am home all day with my kids and homeschool my five year old and three year old. I work a couple nights a week. My husband and I agree we want me home with the kids and homeschool. God has always provided for us accordingly. We are renting, own one car (20 yrs old) and the kids and I take the bus everywhere. We are in the same boat and I would not trade it for the world.
    For me working a few nights a week refreshes me with adult conversation time and helps us out paying off debt. We do not pay for childcare because dad is home with them. This gives him a chance to bond and have “just dad” time. I know our situation is not like everyone else. I do not think I would ever take a day job outside of the house.

    “why spend four+ years of your life in higher education just to turn around and raise children from home?”

    I love that you addressed this! The only reason I went to college was because I was not married! I got my degree in Mathematics and I do not use my degree currently and I am okay with that. I was a private tutor for awhile when Kira was first born and I tutored at my house at night.
    It is funny, I just always knew I wanted to be just a mom and nothing else! :)
    Good post!

    • jaimeclewis October 13, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

      you majored in math? are you some sort of alien?

      • Keilah October 13, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

        maybe?

  6. sarah October 13, 2010 at 12:04 pm #

    I guess I’m coming at this from a completely different position: I had never assumed that I’d stay at home with my kids, probably because I was the child of three parents (mom, dad, step-mom) all of whom worked outside of the home. My mom did everything she could to maximize and optimize her time with us as kids, but still had to work full time from when I was about 6 or 8 weeks. That said, she was an incredibly involved mom, and my family is really close to this day–my sister and I have not suffered for her working at all. Because that’s what I knew as a kid, I had always thought that I’d do something similar, especially because I actually love working. My husband supports my choice to either go to work or not, which I truly appreciate. Either way, I do think it’s case-by-case, since it’s entirely possible to be a fantastic mom who works away from the home (as mine was), or a crappy mom who stays home. I guess it’s just what you do with and how you look at the time that you do have with your kids.

  7. sarah October 13, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    Shoot–I just re-read my comment and realized that it might come off as me saying that stay at home moms are crappy…which I TOTALLY do not believe. Being at home with my son now I can say that I have the utmost respect for all moms, especially those who choose to stay at home. Just meant that it’s possible to go either way in either situation. Also, I love the comments about education and jobs. I loved my educational experience and don’t even work in my field of study anymore.

    • jaimeclewis October 13, 2010 at 12:32 pm #

      nope, your comment didn’t give the wrong impression. i know another mom who says she works because that’s what her mom did when SHE was growing up. you’re not alone. ok, seabass is freakin, gotta go

  8. autonomousblogger October 13, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    I’m working on my MBA while waiting for a successful pregnancy. People ask what I want to do when I’m done and and I politely smile and tell them that I want to be a stay-at-home mom. Education, to me, is intrinsically rewarding.

    I also freelance business services, but only take on projects that feel good to my spirit. To me, I’ve waited so long for this *someday* baby, I just want to be able to enjoy him or her and provide them the best childhood possible.

  9. Monica October 13, 2010 at 2:16 pm #

    I got 9 months with my son and then had to go back to work, since the math on being a stay-at-home single mother just didn’t work. However, this year, I have taken a partial leave of absence from work so that I only work the hours that Hayden is in school and we have our mornings and afternoons together to take care of homework and I can do all the mom things that I want to do. It’s my perfect middle ground, and I’m not sure I want to ever go back to work full time. Now, this would not have worked as well if my son wasn’t school-aged, but this works for our family.

  10. Sandi Sigurdson October 13, 2010 at 6:28 pm #

    We SAY its everyone’s own choice and what’s right for their family and we SAY we respect each choice but what I hear is women continuing to justify their life choices and who the hell says we have to justify jack? Shheesh, like there’s not enough judgement in the world. Like men don’t have to carry enough of the load already. Carry more. And be sensitive while you’re doing it. Is there anyone who replied that actually works 40 hours a week outside the home then shares child rearing with their man?

    If I’d been a stay-home mom there’d be 3 dead kids, a divorce and a pathetic alcoholic in the house. 25 years later 3 live kids (and awesome grandkid), hottie husband and that alcoholism? well, whattya’ gonna do?
    Controversy that, baby!

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 8:49 am #

      Seriously, are you the only one commenting from having worked full-time with children? More, please!

      Oh, and you’re totally wrong. Just sayin.

      • Keilah October 14, 2010 at 11:27 am #

        When Kira was a baby at six weeks, I went back to managing a restaurant at night. I worked 50-60 hours a week and was with the baby all day until 3:00. My mom watched her for an hour or so until Eric got home and he had her the rest of the night. Yep, it was hard, I would say it is harder on the marriage than on the baby. We had Sundays off together.

        I would not say I feel like I have to justify my actions because we did what we had to do. But now that I am working about 25-30 hours a week and they are older it is easier. Eric does a lot at home. I don’t think it is 50-50 but I think that is due to my overachiever, o.c.d., anal retentiveness that does not allow him to do everything. But then I grumble because he did not read my mind on the things I want him to help out with! haha
        good comment Sandi.

  11. photosheri October 13, 2010 at 8:13 pm #

    I felt exactly the same when Hannah was younger, but now she gets so bored. I want to put her in daycare 1 day a week to learn social skills and interaction with other children, and I want to get a job for 1 day a week so I can interact with people who are not toddlers. There are plenty of studies to show that daycare 1-2 days per week (NOT full time) is actually quite beneficial for children over 1.

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 8:48 am #

      Disclosure: I actually have a sitter who watches Seabass for a few hours a week so he can interact with other kids (the sitter has a two-year-old girl) and so mommy can get some down time. I’m with ya.

  12. Nikki October 13, 2010 at 9:47 pm #

    Wow Jaime. I definitely applaud you for taking on such a topic. I’ve learned over the past five years to just be quiet and do my own life rather than talk about my feelings regarding the “stay at home mom” lifestyle. It’s a touchy subject indeed even amongst friends.

    I, however, LOVE my life raising our four children. Sure it’s hectic and crazy, and sometimes so downright hard…but it has changed me for the better. And our marriage is stronger because I can focus on my job and I don’t have to try and be superwoman.

    But I will say that I’m glad you said all of that and I didn’t. Maybe I’m just chicken. Or maybe I’ve been down that road before and know where it leads. I don’t know…maybe a bit of both. Either way, though I do agree with you, I do see that the all out fight over who is right can be really bitter and heart wrenching. So I can just resolve to do what’s best for my kids and family, and not worry about anyone else I guess.

    Now if only I could get myself a job like yours and freelance write in my “spare” time. Sounds like a ton of fun.

    It’s great to read your blog Jaime and hear your thoughts on entering the mommy world. It reminds me of learning how to care for Isaac and brings me back to that amazing (yet at times horrifying) period in my life that will always be so dear to me.

  13. Caroline Gordon-Elliott October 14, 2010 at 8:25 am #

    My mother and father both worked full time from when I was 3wks old. I’m a perfectly happy and well adjusted person, and I have a great (relatively speaking) relationship with my parents. On the flip side, I am working from home to be around my little Monkey, because it’s what I want for me. So basically, I think children are fine either way. The question is, what do you want for you?

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 8:50 am #

      Truth be told, I just want cookies. Lots of em. All day long.

  14. Danielle October 14, 2010 at 9:04 am #

    I mean did the 50s, Virginia Woolf and years of feminism not teach us anything? I have only been home for 6 weeks and have had cabin fever break downs more than once. My husband wants me stay home and I say no way. There are more facets to my identity than being someone’s mother. I am not saying that you should work a ton and never see your kid, but I definitely think that fulfillment of oneself, in a way that has nothing to do with child rearing is the way to a healthy female life. To give up all the things you used to like in life to raise a kid a good way to start resenting him and putting your head in the oven. Some people can do it and more power to them, but some need to be both a woman and a mother. And nurturing both may not make the other lesser; it may make both better. It may even make your kid in the long run respect you more because you saw how to make yourself a better person and you did it.

  15. sarah October 14, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    sorry, one last comment (promise). just saw that someone was looking for a comment from a mom who worked 40 hrs outside the home and shared the child rearing with their husband (or partner, whatever). while i happen to be home with our little one now due to relocation forcing me to leave my job, until now (he’s 7 mo) i was working full time outside of the home, he was in daycare, and my husband and i completely shared the parenting when we were all at home. seriously–really shared. it was fabulous, and we treasured and made the most of every minute of at-home time together. i’m loving being with my baby at home now, but that’s not to say that i wouldn’t consider working outside of the home again, since our experience was not at all bad before.

  16. Auntie K October 14, 2010 at 10:27 am #

    I was a full time working (single) mom but I eased into it. Somehow I managed to work part-time when my son was in pre-school (and take college classes- I did it backwards). His school was right across the street from my work/classes which made it emotionally easier for me. Although I clearly remember getting off early so I could pick him up early to go home and he was disappointed because he was having so much fun. He was/is a very social extroverted being so the situation worked in his favor. As time went on I found a way to balance work with being a mom. It wasn’t easy but I was able to make choices (or fight for/create them) which allowed for flexibility and making his needs my priority.

    I think being a stay at home working mom like you and several others who have posted above is the absolute ideal.

    And who is to say that being a writer is not having a big fancy career? Who says you have to wear a suit or go to an office to qualify for that?

    While I’m at it, the purpose of a liberal arts college education used to be primarily about developing into a well- rounded person. Not everyone chooses to go that route but most of the people I know who did are not working in the field that they majored in. But the benefits of being exposed to a variety of subjects, developing critical thinking skills, reading and writing are just a few of the gifts from your college experience that you will always find useful. And, it is clear to me that you have and are still using them! Write on!

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 10:33 am #

      Auntie K,

      Whenever I interview Vassar applicants, I always tell them that I’m not working in the field I majored in, and the number one thing my Vassar education gave me was the ability to write.

      The number two thing it gave me is my best friend.

      The number three thing it gave me is debt.

  17. Auntie K October 14, 2010 at 10:45 am #

    Two more points.

    1) I am not sure why there is such a controversy. Everyone’s situation is so different. Why would anyone judge another for the choices they choose or must make?

    2) JB’s oldest son is married with two kids. He was the breadinner and she was the stay at home mom for the first couple of years(she had a career like you did prior to prior to being a mom). Then his career went south while hers held out opportunities. Now she is the breadwinner while he is the stay at home dad. It works for them and in a few years they may switch roles again.

    • Auntie K October 14, 2010 at 11:32 am #

      Sigh, yes, the debt is painfully real but one day it will be gone & the other two things will remain. Beautifully expressed. Love & Hugs.

  18. Kristin October 14, 2010 at 12:03 pm #

    I live in the best of both worlds. When Benny was 4 months old I returned to my very demanding, incredibly rewarding teaching job. I have been a teacher for 7, going on 8 years and I love it! I love the buzzing energy that the students bring in to my life. I have always wanted to be a mom, always, and I knew that I would be there for my kids every step of the way. Every time I look at my son I fall more and more in love. He is incredible and I love being a mom! That said, I never pictured my teaching career ending before I even hit the 10 year mark. In fact, I got my masters degree a couple of years ago and may even use it some day. I am so thankful that a coworker and I have found the perfect partnership. I work Monday, Tuesday, every other Wednesday. She works every other Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. The outcome: Our students get a fresh, energetic teacher 5 days per week. Benny gets to spend time with his grandparents and Aunt and Uncle 2-3 days per week. I get to enjoy being with my son 4-5 days per week while still engaging in the fulfilling career that I love. I feel incredibly blessed.
    PS. I loved college, I use my degree, and my husband said I could quit working if I wanted.

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

      Kristin,
      You are SO SO SO SO SO lucky to have family nearby that are willing to watch your sweet Benny. How awesome that must be!

  19. Kathleen Bradley October 14, 2010 at 1:46 pm #

    For the majority of working mums, it is not a choice. I would say, besides your healthcare, it is pretty cheap to live in the US. I live in the UK where petrol is £1.20 a litre (2 dollars?), we get charged to drive on certain roads, rent is expensive and so the list goes on.

    I had my baby boy during the final year of my degree, conveniently enough, during the Christmas break. Although I graduated with a 2:1, my husband is still a year behind me at university so he is still battling between being a student and being a stay at home dad. I have to earn the bucks so we can afford our home and so Jesse can have a new wardrobe every 3 months.

    Although you say you don’t have much, count it as a luxury that you can afford to stay at home.

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

      Kathleen,
      Jake and I lived with UK nationals while in Italy and compared the cost of living in California to England. It brings up a great point: we choose to live in a very expensive part of the world. (Our city is third for highest cost of living ratio after NYC and San Francisco, but our population is a mere fraction of those cities.) And we choose to live here for the quality of life. You’re absolutely right – we could live somewhere else if we were really strapped for cash.

      And I agree with you: it is a luxury that I can afford to stay home. I don’t forget that.

  20. Kendra October 14, 2010 at 3:24 pm #

    I finally have a moment to respond, and I am so glad I did not respond when I first read this post, becuase it got me all rilled up. Then I realized it is “Controversy Wednesday” and that the point. So here is my response…
    I AM A WORKING MOTHER!!!! and I LOVE MY CHILD!!!
    The thing that gets me the most is that this topic causes us to feel bad (I guess that is mother’s guilt) and have to run to our camps of working mom vs. stay at home mom to be vailidated for what we do. When really we should be supporting both sides.
    Okay, with that said there was never a doubt that I would not return back to work. I was raised by a working mom, who is my role model. In looking back through my childhood, there is not a moment when I think “I wish my mom was there”, because even with working 40hrs, she was there for it all (am wake up, breakfast, homemade lunches, sports practice/games, art classes, homework, home made dinners, heart to heart chats, and tucking me in at night). She is one of the best in her profession, that is in a male dominated field, and it showed me there are no limits to what women can do. I owe so much of my independence and self esteem to her, and the home she raised me in.
    Now it is my turn, I have a 6mo old daughter, and I can’t wait to show her what opportunities are there for the taking. I work, becuase it feeds my soul, it helps me be a better person. I love the challenge. It brings me happiness, and with that it makes ME a better mom. I am there for my daughter when she wakes, and I am the last person she sees when she drifts to sleep. I am her MOM.
    Now one issue I do have with being a working mom, is that all the “baby and me” activites are for the stay at home mom’s schedule. What, do people think that we working moms don’t want to have sing-a-longs, reading time, or parent participation groups? We do! Schedule things in the late afternoon, where working and stay at homes can co-exisit. Becuase we are all Moms, and we need not discriminate.

    • jaimeclewis October 14, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

      Hooray for working moms responding to the post! I agree with you about the scheduling of mommy/baby-friendly activities during the day. It always irked me that music classes at the elementary schools were considered “extra” as evidenced by the fact that they were (are) scheduled after school when there is no bus service. This rules out the participation of children of working parents who aren’t able to pick their kids up. It certainly isn’t set up for those kids’ success.

      As for riling you up, you’re obviously on to me. “Then I realized it is “Controversy Wednesday” and that the point.” Gotcha!

  21. DB Landes October 14, 2010 at 9:39 pm #

    I’m a working mom. My mom was a working mom. I don’t want to be a working mom and neither did my mother. Unfortunately, financial situations being what they are, it’s not possible for me to stay home with my children all the time. I am lucky that my husband and I can work opposing schedules. Generally, he works mornings starting at 5:30am and I work evenings until about 10pm. I am at home long enough during the day to cook dinner for everyone and to get my 8 year-old son (who I did get to spend a year at home with) on the bus and spend quality time with my 2 1/2 year-old daughter. I also manage to co-chair events for the PTA and schedule my schedule around all school, Cub Scout, and dance activities. So I’m always there when my children need me most. I don’t have problems letting my employer know that I may work there for a paycheck but my kids come first. If it ever comes down to it… the kids or the job… I’ll pick my kids.

    • jaimeclewis October 15, 2010 at 7:53 am #

      Love the comment. Thank you!

  22. Jim October 22, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    I am obviously way behind on your blog but wanted to throw in my two cents anyway.

    In my opinion, nothing is more challenging than being a stay-at-home mom and investing yourself in nurturing a child. I think it is great that you have made that choice, and hopefully the rewards for you overshadow the challenges. The title of your blog says it all- higher highs, lower lows. Sometimes the rewards are not immediate and it may be tempting to seek more immediate gratification through employment, etc., but I think when you look back on things in 10 or 15 or 20 years the rewards of being home with Seabass will be even more evident.

    For some mothers, staying at home is simply not an option. But you have shown that it may require some sacrifice but can be done in many cases.

  23. geiska October 22, 2010 at 11:37 pm #

    All right all right I’ll comment. The funny thing is I have very little to say about the working or not business. The bite was on the education thing. If education was truly free I would totally agree with you – however I didn’t spend $55,000 that I will be paying off for the next 15 years to continue to live in poverty for the rest of my life. And yes, I do feel a sense of responsibility to put that work to good use in the world. And I mean for heaven sakes we can’t let the men go running the whole show; especially in government agencies. But I have to admit, SOMETIMES, my Mondays feel like Saturdays and its nice to have a conversation with someone who isn’t wondering when they will next get to be at my breast. If money was no matter – I’d still work…part time. :)

    • jaimeclewis October 23, 2010 at 8:28 am #

      That is such an excellent comment. Your comment reminds me of a thought I had when I got my first bill for my student loan payments. After just four years, my education came to $120,000. I wondered what would happen if I just didn’t make any payments. Would they re-possess my brain?

  24. geiska October 22, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    OK now what I know Jaime would want me to say. I work 40+ hours a week while my husband is home with my six month old and carting my first grader to and from her activities. HE sends ME texts of my baby’s firsts and quips about the bitchy moms and school etc. And YES most days I totally envy him. My husband is a gem and we definitely made sacrifices for a parent to be home – but we could not give up the excellent health package, etc. So there ya go.

  25. Faye's Mom October 27, 2010 at 10:48 am #

    After reading all these comments (while I listen to my baby breathe in the monitor for her one long nap of the day), I find that my situation was a bit different. I went back to work after the allotted maternity leave, but I came back to a job that originally was going to be “baby friendly”—allowing me some flexibility on hours (working 40 hours but not the typical 8 to 5). My boss (an older woman, mind you, that has had 3 children of her own) sat me down after 5 minutes upon my return and coldly said “Now that you are back to work, work comes first.” HECK NO! From that point on I knew that I was out of there. (I lasted a week and a half more and was near breakdown—coming home shaking and not being able to give love that my baby and husband deserved.) So now I am stay-at-home, with hopes of freelance design. If I were to find a job that would be super flexible with time or allow work to be done at home, I think I would do it. On the other hand, I am taking one non-credit class online and I am already two weeks behind because of life and putting my baby first. But when it comes down to it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know that my circumstances are God’s design for shaping me and who my baby is to become, so I will follow that and look to see what He has in store for my career/home-life and our future as a family.

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    [...] Lows about 14 months ago, never have I seen such a response to any topic – not spanking, working outside the home or even the crazy Chinese dragon mother.  Well done, team HHLL.  We are officially that [...]

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