Apology Thursday: I WAS WRONG

21 Oct

One of the things that destroys my faith in politicians the fastest is their frequent inability to admit they were wrong.  My skin crawls when the evidence is stacked against them but they still refuse to confess the error of their ways. 

These are the thoughts that run through my head on this Thursday morning following a long, painful Wednesday. 

The moment I clicked “PUBLISH” on yesterday’s post, I knew I was making a whopper of a mistake – long before any of the dissenting comments showed up.  But when they inevitably did, they only served to reinforce what I’d already been feeling about my harsh, abrasive words.  So please, dear blogosphere, allow me to apologize.  I was wrong.

The only people I know better than anyone else on the planet are 1) Jake, and 2) Seabass.  Aside from them, there is no one I know well enough to advise on any facet of life.  Especially unsolicited.  Remember when I said I didn’t want unsolicited advice from anyone?  Yeah.  Bit of my own medicine, that.

I have no right to claim that my way is any better than anyone else’s.  No really, I mean it.  Furthermore, I have no “authority” to make broad, generalized claims about anyone’s parenting.  So what if I taught piano lessons for 17 years?  (Though I would like to say that some of my students WERE “horrible, miserable burdens to society,” and I would prefer that Seabass, well…doesn’t turn out like them.  Nuff said.)  I am the mother of a 5 1/2-month-old child, not God.  Big difference.

The purpose of this blog was never to rile parents up or cause division; It was meant to bring us together over the highs and lows of bringing up little human beings.  I don’t know why it changed.  Maybe because we’re all so different and it’s hard not to take note of our diverse styles?  Or because I’ve felt attacked for my style and feel the need to retaliate?  Or because I’m bored and need more drama in my life?  Not sure.

In any case, I hope you’ll find my apology sincere and forgive me for the obnoxious way I’ve thrown my opinions around.  As penance, I’d like to publish this photo that Jake took of me when I first woke up one morning. 

My olive branch.

 

Yup.  That ought to make up for whatever harm I’ve done.

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22 Responses to “Apology Thursday: I WAS WRONG”

  1. Jake October 21, 2010 at 9:57 am #

    You’re still looking good to me sweetie!

    And you can feel free to use the response I used (borrowed from Debra R) to all those who said hurtful things about having another child: “suck it”.

    • jaimeclewis October 21, 2010 at 9:59 am #

      God love you.

  2. Oma October 21, 2010 at 10:22 am #

    I, as a Mama Bear, agree with Jake.

  3. Jennavila October 21, 2010 at 10:23 am #

    I agree with Jake. And I took that post for what it was..your opinion. Either way, apology excepted though not needed. Funny thing, I look the same way this morning. I call it lovely morning momma!

  4. EntrepreMother October 21, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    I would vote for you if you became a politician! (Especially if you used that photo in all your campaign ads).

  5. Gina October 21, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    While last week’s “Controversy Wednesday” made me flinch (I’m a working mom), I can appreciate that all parents have their own way that works for their family. You never claimed to be the expert on all things parenting; you’re just another mom trying her best. I look forward to your posts because I love your writing style and you’ve got an adorable little Seabass.
    Love the picture, by the way! 🙂

  6. Keilah October 21, 2010 at 11:22 am #

    I was going to comment yesterday but decided not to. I did read all of the comments though. I think as parents we are always learning, learning how to be a better parent. Yep, we will do things and wonder why later but for the most part you are their parent for a reason and no one else. Not to sound like others but it is different when the second one comes rolling around. It is not bad just different. I had to really change my style with Enzo.

    It is the same when you are pregnant with the first one and your swear you won’t do this, this and that. Then next thing you know you are home from the hospital and it is all out the window.

    I think there are so many little “cliques” that moms are a part of whether they mean to or not. Vaccinate or not vaccinated, breastfed or formula, c-section, epidural, or natural, homeschool, private or public, organic or not and we get defensive when our belief or clique is challenged. There needs to be grace from all of us to each other. It is a hard enough job being a mom not to be supported by one another.

    It was your opinion and just that, I did not think of it as a personal attack.

    You are doing a good job mama.

  7. Mira October 21, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    I’m still not sure what you are apologizing for on this post. Maybe it’s because we CIO’ed with Lily, so I can relate to your approach, but I didn’t hear you telling other parents to do what you did in any way.

    Personally, it was last week’s post that rubbed me the wrong way, as a working mama. That one seemed way more judgmental than this one (yes, I realize that I didn’t comment on it, but I knew I would come off as defensive and I didn’t want to read all of the SAHMs reaction to my comment – which is why I will never write a blog myself!).

    So, I guess my point is: if you are going to have Controversy Wednesday, you’re either always going to have Apology Thursday or you’re just going to have to put it out there and let it lie.

    And, by the way, I don’t love my data plan more than my baby. 🙂

    • jaimeclewis October 21, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

      Isn’t that funny? There are some people who were offended by last week’s post but not by this week’s, and some who were offended by this week’s but not last week’s. Moral of the story: we’re all so different. And so unpredictable.

      Okay, so you don’t love your data plan more than Lily. Fine.

      But you gotta admit it’s pretty cool.

  8. Auntie K October 21, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    I guess I missed the part where you were giving advice- I pretty much only saw the part that was your opinion. Don’t be so hard on yourself! And please don’t let a little controversy stop from expressing yourself.

    I have a friend who writes a similar column to your blog in the local SB paper. She is wise & funny & opinionated & makes few apologies. She was voted the best columnist in SB and has just published her second book. She is quite used to receiving harsh criticism as well as high praise. That is the nature of the biz!

  9. Robin Lee October 21, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

    Get used to it. You think you feel wrong now? Wait ’til Seabass is the size of a teenage shark. He will show you a new meaning to the word “wrong”. Follow my advice. (Yes, this is actually advice, not just my opinion.) Put it on the list.

    You know, the list he will some day take to the therapist. If you have all of your mistakes as mother written down–preferrably both categorically and chronologically–you will save him thousands of dollars in hourly counseling fees.

    On the other hand, as someone who has decades of experience cataloguing when and where so very, very many people need to apologize, I would not even put yesterday’s post in the “maybe” category. Controversy Wednesdays is neither the place for Melba Toast, nor for thin skin.

    You may choose, if you like, to do a blahg Thursday through Tuesday, but on Wednesdays you have promised a little more zest.

    I, for one, appreciate it.

  10. Sandi Sigurdson October 21, 2010 at 4:41 pm #

    I like that you put the controversy in controversy wednesdays! but the apology was worth it just to see the worst picture of you ever! awesome!

  11. R October 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm #

    Apology accepted.

    As someone who wrote one of the aforementioned snarky comments, I would never have said what I did if you had simply written, “We chose to do this because it worked for us.” End of story. No argument there. Where it went badly on my end was the part where I was told that my 4.5 month old would end up being an entitled teenage brat who became a jerk politician because I responded to his tears at night. Hello? I so doubt that.

    But mostly, I agree with your husband: I tell people to suck it on most issues relating to parenting. 🙂 Actually, what I say is, “You had to figure it out for yourselves – I’m sure we’ll figure it out, too.”

    • R October 21, 2010 at 7:03 pm #

      (I mean, in response to unsolicited advice.)

  12. Patty Thayer October 21, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

    I love you, Jaime. And I give you this quote to let you know that drama and child-rearing are a “tale as old as time.” (Not that it makes it any easier!)

    Ecclesiastes 1:9 (New International Version)

    9 What has been will be again,
    what has been done will be done again;
    there is nothing new under the sun.

    This bit of wisdom definitely includes these 2 arguments:
    1.) working moms vs. stay-at-home moms
    2.) Let ’em cry it out vs.answer the screams

    Love you, you bloggin’ Mom you!
    Patty

  13. Hannah Rubalcava October 21, 2010 at 11:41 pm #

    Love Controversy Wednesdays almost as much as I love that photo. I have to say every kid is SO different, even with the same parents. My 2 girls- we did not do CIO because it didn’t work. After a week of 45min-1 hour crying sessions (which increased in length as time went on) we gave up because they seemed so upset and mad…it was changing their personality- for the worse. Gabriel cries himself to sleep (5mins), but I get up with him at night- he is SO HUNGRY!! But thats not really my point here- my real point is this- every kid is different. The funniest thing to me is people that have 1 kid give the most advice (myself included) When I had just Sofia I gave out so much advice because she was such a good baby I thought it had to be me, right?!? Well there is nothing like a 2nd kid to prove you wrong (you should really try it). She was the exact opposite- and then we had a third…again TOTALLY different!! It is a good thing I had more than one- otherwise I would be the most self righteous parent out there. Funny thing, here is what I notice…people with 1 child are the first to tell you how to do things and give unsolicited advice then I have ASKED people we know with 5,7, or one person we know has 11 kids, parenting advice- they just nod and shake their heads and are unwilling to give advice. All they have said is kids are a blessing and enjoy it. I think they learned that there is no universal parenting advice that will work- just what works for you and YOUR kid(s).

  14. Valarie October 22, 2010 at 7:01 am #

    It’s your blog, honey. I saw no wrong…but you know your own heart. Oh, and I wish I looked that good when I just wake up!

  15. Rachael VanDorn October 22, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    I Love Hannah’s reply. After having Benjamin I don’t even give advice when asked. There is no answer for other people’s kids and it can only end badly.

    • Hannah Rubalcava October 23, 2010 at 12:13 am #

      Okay so I do give a little advice for new mom’s- here are my 2 bits- get a hand-held shower head and get professional new born photos. That’s it- that’s all I got!

      • jaimeclewis October 23, 2010 at 8:29 am #

        Wait – can you expand on both of those items? Why do you recommend them so highly?

      • Hannah Rubalcava October 23, 2010 at 3:30 pm #

        Why I give my advice:
        #1- The Handheld Showerhead- 2 reasons really…after a 4th degree episiotomy the little water bottle (which everyone failed to mention before giving birth) was not good enough at getting back that “fresh feeling”, hence the handheld showerhead. Anyhow, it is kind of like the poor man’s beday if you will. (TMI, possibly)
        Then when Mommy is done with it you can move it to the bath and it makes bathtime much quicker and efficient for the kiddos.
        #2- Professional Newborn Photos- well I didn’t learn this lesson until baby #3 (slow learner) those first 10 days are amazing- it is unreal how fast they grow and what a short period of time they are so small and squishy! Plus- you can mold them into the perfect pose. My heart aches for those first 10 days!! Love the newborns! If I did it again (which I don’t think I will) I would have scheduled photos for the 2-3 days.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Come on over! The schadenfreude’s on me. « Higher Highs, Lower Lows - February 28, 2011

    […] some attention, not all of it positive.  You may remember my follow-up post entitled “Apology Thursday: I WAS WRONG” in which I begged forgiveness for being a know-it-all about sleep and included a photo of […]

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