Distraction, aka Whatever It Takes
I sit down to write this after having completed my new least-favorite task as a parent: The Dreaded Diaper Change.
I look forward to changing Seabass’ diaper with about the same amount of enthusiasm I reserve for doing my taxes. But taxes come only once per year. Diaper changes happen upward of, oh, FIVE TIMES PER DAY.
Why does he hate having his nappy changed so much?
- He hates lying on his back.
- He hates staying still.
- He has had, off and on, a nasty rash that irritates his nether-region.
So, to entertain himself during the inevitable changing times, Seabass has chosen to explore his own body. And he has found his parts.
Now, I knew this day would come, but I had no idea it would come so soon. Apparently I’m not alone in my surprise, as evidenced by the results of a recent Google search.
All of this would be fine with me – boys play with their stuff, n’est-ce pas? – if it weren’t for the fact that Seabass has also discovered the existence of poo down there, too. When I change his diaper, the moment that front flap comes down, it’s like Christmas. Poo! Get it! Grab it! Fling it! Spread it all over my chest! Pooooooo! Poo may very well be the only thing that makes diaper changes bearable for the little dude.
Needless to say, this is positively disgusting. I’ve tried everything to streamline and sanitize the process, but to no avail. We’re not talking about some toy that I can take away and put out of reach. They’re his own feces.
[Aside: If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that I love talking about poo. So in the abstract, this situation is pretty great, pretty hilarious. Such irony is not lost on me. But, in practice, cleaning up baby dung is gross and not funny at all.]
We’re at a turning point, obviously, because this system cannot be sustained. I can’t keep laying him down only to watch him a) cry and wail, b) tug his thing with impunity, or c) play Monkey In The Zoo. Another routine must be devised. BFF Caroline performs her daughter’s diaper changes standing up. Are Seabass and I ready for such acrobatics? I don’t know, but I’m willing to give it a go.
I am Jaime, wife to Jacob. We are the smitten, stupefied, sometimes scared silly parents of a precious boy nicknamed Seabass and a darling girl nicknamed Sweet Chuck.
Higher Highs, Lower Lows 
HILARIOUS!! (Only cuz it’s not me LOL)
Haha! While I’ve had the body parts explored my son has never grabbed or flung poo. But he does try to help me by wiping himself – with a wipe, a nearby toy, etc. Luckily my reflexes haven’t failed me yet… yet.
Anika does the same thing. My first order of business when I pull the front flap of the diaper down is to immediately wipe the area she can reach.
Oh and a side note: I have mastered holding my breath until the worst part is over… then I begin breathing again. I’m extremely proud of myself (it’s the little things).
And as for changing her while she’s standing? I am waiting for the day when she decides that very moment is the perfect time for a pee.
They start when they are merely months old. Then they never stop. When they begin talking, they then talk about it when they grab it. Like we are interested. wait til they turn teenager–they begin grabbing everyone else’s. Around here it’s called the sac tap, and you get points the more effectively you locate the tap. Welcome to testosteroneville.
(I’m still marvelling that you ‘googled’ it.)lol.
Dom and Seabass are totally blood brothers. Dom just discovered his parts and thinks its the best thing until sliced bread. He looks at me like “did you know about this!?” But he also takes to flipping over at light speed in the middle of his changing. I have to sing dance and make extremely unattractive faces to keep his attention during a change. I do remember learning to change his sister’s diaps standing up at about 15 months; its hard to do with a child that really isn’t quite standing yet.
This is FUNNY!!! There are some things that you learn to block out. I’m sure it happened with Seabass’s dad, but I don’t remember, thank goodness.
Oh I know all to well your pain. My DS acts as if he’s being water boarded when its time to get a clean bum. Anything within reach is fair game and he’ll wriggle and writhe and stretch till he gets it. He especially loves to play an extra special trick where he pretends to be amused by whatever insanely stupid song/face/dance I’m doing to try to amuse him until the diaper is all nicely positioned, about to do up and bam flips over screams and wails all over again.
And grabbing his junk is nothing new, I swear it was a few weeks old and he started. The poo, well knock on wood but he’s only got a little bit a few times that I’ve quickly been able to wipe off.
If you find a miracle for this let me know. I’ve tried the standing, not so much for him.
My son (18 months) is very active – I found it IMPOSSIBLE to change his diaper lying down after he learnt how to flip. Now when he does a poo, I just bring him to the shower and hose him down (with him standing up). I cannot imagine trying to clean him with wipes now. It helps to wear the training pants type of diapers – much easier to wrestle him into!
So this might not be the most graceful solution, but when my daughter tries to grab her poo, turn over and run away, etc., I change her nappy on the floor and hold her shoulders down with my feet (feet under the armpits really, their arms out to the side). Sometimes it’s the only way I can change her nappy without getting poo all over everything, and having a half naked, poo-covered bottom running down the hall in delight. Seriously, it works.
We’ve resorted to the stand-up-diaper-change with our 8 month old. It usually takes two people though. Good luck!