Super Mom’s Epically Bad Day

22 Jul

Did I seriously have the presence of mind to take this photo?

It was Monday.  It’s still hard to talk about, hence the four-day lapse.

Bad days, I’ve found, come more often now that I’m a mother.  Perhaps it’s merely statistical: Two people have more bad days than one person, and now that I’m really two people (me and Seabass), bad days are more likely to occur.

But I think it’s more than circumstantial.  I’m pretty sure I set myself up for them – last Monday in particular.  Here’s what I mean:

Mistake Numero Uno: I went for a run.

Running, in and of itself isn’t a bad idea, but running on broken sidewalks with a dog and a non-jogger stroller with a Seabass inside is a very, very bad idea.  For about the first ten minutes, I was able to dodge all obstacles in my path (like tall sidewalks – I never noticed it before having kids, but why are some sidewalks ramped and others not?  Don’t our cities realize that high sidewalks CAN KILL?!??) and was even congratulating myself on my swiftness of foot.  Then it happened.  My toe hit one of the stroller’s wheels as I navigated a portion of bad sidewalk, I stepped on the dog’s leash, which was attached to the stroller, the dog yelped, I fell hard on my left butt cheek, and (this is the worst part) the stroller tipped over and on to me with a very frightened – but totally safe – Seabass.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve fallen in public, but it isn’t getting any easier.

Mistake Numero Dos: I invited a magazine photographer into my home.

A friend of a friend of a friend told a local publisher that I like to cook and the magazine called to get a recipe and a time for a photographer to come over to capture me in the kitchen.  I chose to make a delicious tomato and red pepper tart (love those veggies baked into crusts) and tried to make the dough ahead of time – just after my disastrous run.  Seabass was being particularly difficult that morning, but I couldn’t exactly hold him with one arm whilst kneading a lump of dough.  So I strapped him into the Ergo carrier on my back.  The yeast dissolved into the warm water and I’d just filled my mixing bowl with all the ingredients (think flour, egg, etc.) when Seabass reached out, grabbed the bowl, and spilled the contents all over our brand new hardwood floor.  And the photographer was due in just ten minutes.

Hard not to yell, cry, or dissolve into a puddle of whimpers.

Mistake Numero Tres: I missed a meeting for work.

Okay, actually I didn’t *miss* it; I was unintentionally omitted.  Whatever, it still sucked.

I work from home during Seabass’ naps, so there is a set time each day that I’m available to chat.  Otherwise, I just tell my employers that I absolutely cannot get anything of value done while he’s awake.  They are so understanding and empathetic…but they forget.  I kid you not: it was with my heiney all black and blue, a bowl’s worth of flour, water and egg on my floor, and a screaming Seabass on my back that I decided to check my voicemail.  Just for kicks, I guess.  Sure enough, my wonderful (and I mean that) boss was on the other line, cheerfully announcing that she had assembled the team for a phone meeting I’d never heard of, and could I please call them back to join in?  At my earliest convenience?  The message had been left over an hour previously.

It was right about then that I felt doomed to fail.  Thankfully, in the end, lives were not lost.

8 Responses to “Super Mom’s Epically Bad Day”

  1. Gretchen July 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    The best part of this post was clicking on the link to your first public fall, laughing, fully knowing what to expect. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

  2. Kendra July 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    HaHAAAAAAAA! I am not laughing at you, but rather laughing with you, and at myself for having those same SUPER MOM days. Sometimes I like to see how many things I can juggle before Hazel pulls the rug out from under me. I would not trade it for anything!! Thank you for this post, the timing of it was so appropriate.

  3. Megan Stiles July 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    you realize that it really wasn’t a *bad* day, don’t you? (on the richter scale of stubbed toes to worldwide flu pandemic, or a country-wide famine) 😉

    • jaimeclewis July 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

      Huh. It sure felt like a bad day, pandemics notwithstanding.

  4. Debbie July 22, 2011 at 4:06 pm #

    No one needs cheering up on this kind of day, they need empathy and a listening ear. I hear you, I can’t top you (I’ve chosen to forget those days as quickly as I can because another one like it is just around the corner). Sorry it was so bad, glad you are all alive to tell about it. What happened with the photographer?

  5. Monika July 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm #

    Shoot, and everyone’s telling me that this motherhood thing gets better! 😉 I’m glad you all made it out okay.

  6. Nicole July 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm #

    I’m a teacher home for summer “vacation” with a 23 mo old/terrible 2 since 10 months old charming son, a 6mo old Golden retriever and an 18mo old unrulely, never trained, pony sized Golden retriever. I feel like there are hidden cameras throughout my home that are immediately turned on the second my husband leavers for work, and miraculously turned off automatically when he arrives home. I feel as if the minute he walks in, the storm passes and he looks at me as if I am crazy.
    I feel your pain, I understand, and I am so happy to have found blogs where mommys can just let it all out!

  7. Caroline July 23, 2011 at 4:41 am #

    Not that your misery makes me feel better, but this is precisely the morning that I needed to read that another mother can’t even stir a bowl of flour and eggs without the offspring being too difficult to handle both said parenting and bowl mixing simultaneously.

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