Not yet ready.

28 Sep

If you know anyone in California, you’ve probably heard them describing the heat of late.  (I say “heat,” but to someone who lives in India, Spain, or Alabama, it’s more like a gentle breeze.)  In the balmy 81-degree heat of yesterday morning, we decided to hit the beach.

Being in his native habitat, the Wild Californian Seabass was pretty happy for a while.  He loves stripping down to his skivvies and playing near the waves.

At one point, just an hour or so into our beach visit, Seabass got really weird, really angsty.  He was playing with a bucket in the water and something about it got him really frustrated all of the sudden.  I tried consoling him verbally, tried appeasing his demons with snacks, etc.  Nothing would stop his whining and crying.

It was the first time in a long while – several months – that I’ve thought to breastfeed him outside of the usual schedule (i.e. upon waking up in the morning, going down for nap, and going down for the night), but it struck me as the right thing to do in the moment.  My friend Ginger calls it “checking in with the home team.”  There’s something really effective about breastfeeding for calming an anxious little boy down, so I wrapped him in a soft towel, found a secluded spot and nursed him down from his ledge.

I’d been thinking lately that I’m ready to stop breastfeeding.  Sometimes I fantasize about having my body to myself again, and being able to fit into several of my pre-pregnancy shirts…which are a little snug around the chest, ahem.  I also look forward to a day when Jake can put Seabass to bed without me.  That will be a day worth celebrating.

But resting there in the gorgeous California sun, with the waves crashing nearby and the world’s most beautiful child in my arms, I felt like I never want to wean him.  Clearly, we’re not yet ready.

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8 Responses to “Not yet ready.”

  1. Barb September 28, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    This is a beautiful post. The pictures are lovely. All-in-all, I felt your serenity and joy. Motherhood is pretty special, and your blog definitely highlights the wonder (and frustration) of being a mother.

    • jaimeclewis September 28, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

      Thank you for such an encouraging comment!

  2. N'sMomma September 28, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    Beautiful post!!
    Me and my 15mth boy nurse morn, nap and bed (and occasionally when he gets home from the day home of his 3 days there). And I think to myself every few weeks, maybe its time to give it up. Stretch his independence a little further. But then I have those moments, so similar to what you explain. And you just feel that serenity and peace and connection. Take it while its here I think! 🙂
    I wonder, have you been getting much flack for extended bfeeding? Of late I’ve started to get some “your STILL bfeeding comments?”. I was so surprised by them I didn’t really know what to feel or think. I guess I never really thought of it as all that “extended”.

  3. e September 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    i am so with you. This time will never come back. Enjoy it. 🙂

  4. Monika September 29, 2011 at 8:43 am #

    For N’s Momma, tell them that the WHO recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding. People are usually shocked by this, but you really can’t argue with the WHO.

    I always thought that I’d stop at 6 months. My baby is 7 months now and there’s no way I would stop yet. I’m considering stopping at one year, but something tells me it just might take a lot longer than that, because I absolutely love nursing. I love seeing the excitement in her eyes when she sees my boobs, I love feeling little hands on me as we both drift off to sleep during a middle of the night feeding. I love the connection.

  5. Marta September 29, 2011 at 8:57 am #

    If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It sounds like you two had a beautiful time at the beach and nursing was an important part of it. You’ll know when its time for you!

  6. Steph D. October 1, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    Yes, take your time. I was so overjoyed to have my girls back to myself when Titus was almost 10 months, but I so wish I had that tool (nursing) to calm him down now. There is just nothing like it, for either of you.

  7. Kat October 3, 2011 at 12:04 am #

    Ah, this is wonderful. I love that there are so many moms who are supportive of nursing past one year. 🙂

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