I recently came across a cute blog featuring artwork by Iowa artist Nathan Ripperger built upon the things we say as parents. Witness the following:
It reminds me of a favorite bit by comedian Brian Regan.
It’s incredible the stuff we say. Seabass and I recently visited a restaurant’s public bathroom where I had to say out loud, “Please don’t crawl on the floor: There are icky hairs from strangers down there.” Who else would you EVER say that to besides a child?
I want to hear your doozies. Forget “Kids Say The Darndest Things.” I want to hear what you parents have caught yourselves saying.
I am Jaime, wife to Jacob. We are the smitten, stupefied, sometimes scared silly parents of a precious boy nicknamed Seabass and a darling girl nicknamed Sweet Chuck.
Higher Highs, Lower Lows 
Oh Jaime you know how I love Brian Regan! Thank you so much for that. I needed that. One of the more recent was “please please please take that out of your nose”. Another favorite is “Ani please come down from the window ledge!” This one sounds really bad – but its a huge window that doesn’t open – still I find it infuriating that she stands on the windowsill.
My all time favorite, “Stuart, get the scissors out of your underwear!”
About 10 minutes ago I said “all the princesses push out their poops. It feels so good to get them out. “
My 3 yr old is obsessed with me throwing things away she wants to play with, like actual trash that should stay in the trash. “stop digging in the trashcan!” Then I explained germs and I think I’ve scarred her for life. I did my job.
At the dressing room in Target today, “Don’t lick the mirror, you don’t know who else has done that!” Yuck 😛
“if you don’t stop trying to vacuum your sister, you’re going to get a time out!”
“Please don’t touch the dog’s bum hole. Now go wash your hands… with SOAP.”
ha. that was just like mine. while upstairs i heard my husband frantically from downstairs: ‘nonononononono! that’s lucy’s butthole! we don’t touch that!’
“Hannah (2.5 years old) get your fingers out of your butt.” just to clarify, she just shoves them in her crack, but still….
One that remember is telling my son “honey we don’t eat cigarette butts… Please don’t pick those out of the sand…”
Don’t hit your sister with that ax
Plastic dollar store toy
“Don’t rub your penis on the stairs.” He stopped at each step and did a little rub before moving up. Boys and their appendage…
More boy’s appendage comments…
Benny: Mama see, Mama see
Me: Yes, Benny, I see that your penis floats in the bath.