The things we never imagined we’d say with a straight face.

28 Mar

I recently came across a cute blog featuring artwork by Iowa artist Nathan Ripperger built upon the things we say as parents.  Witness the following:

It reminds me of a favorite bit by comedian Brian Regan.

It’s incredible the stuff we say.  Seabass and I recently visited a restaurant’s public bathroom where I had to say out loud, “Please don’t crawl on the floor: There are icky hairs from strangers down there.”  Who else would you EVER say that to besides a child?

I want to hear your doozies.  Forget “Kids Say The Darndest Things.”  I want to hear what you parents have caught yourselves saying.

14 Responses to “The things we never imagined we’d say with a straight face.”

  1. Geiska March 28, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    Oh Jaime you know how I love Brian Regan! Thank you so much for that. I needed that. One of the more recent was “please please please take that out of your nose”. Another favorite is “Ani please come down from the window ledge!” This one sounds really bad – but its a huge window that doesn’t open – still I find it infuriating that she stands on the windowsill.

  2. Amy March 28, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    My all time favorite, “Stuart, get the scissors out of your underwear!”

  3. Mira Karp March 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    About 10 minutes ago I said “all the princesses push out their poops. It feels so good to get them out. “

  4. nikarella March 28, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    My 3 yr old is obsessed with me throwing things away she wants to play with, like actual trash that should stay in the trash. “stop digging in the trashcan!” Then I explained germs and I think I’ve scarred her for life. I did my job.

  5. Steph D. March 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    At the dressing room in Target today, “Don’t lick the mirror, you don’t know who else has done that!” Yuck 😛

  6. Drea March 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    “if you don’t stop trying to vacuum your sister, you’re going to get a time out!”

  7. Valarie March 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm #

    “Please don’t touch the dog’s bum hole. Now go wash your hands… with SOAP.”

    • shotwellwallace March 29, 2012 at 8:40 am #

      ha. that was just like mine. while upstairs i heard my husband frantically from downstairs: ‘nonononononono! that’s lucy’s butthole! we don’t touch that!’

  8. Mommy Adventures March 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    “Hannah (2.5 years old) get your fingers out of your butt.” just to clarify, she just shoves them in her crack, but still….

  9. Angela Bolduc March 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    One that remember is telling my son “honey we don’t eat cigarette butts… Please don’t pick those out of the sand…”

  10. goingkiwi March 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    Don’t hit your sister with that ax

  11. Anne @ Always Half Full March 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    “Don’t rub your penis on the stairs.” He stopped at each step and did a little rub before moving up. Boys and their appendage…

  12. kristinmeldridge March 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    More boy’s appendage comments…
    Benny: Mama see, Mama see
    Me: Yes, Benny, I see that your penis floats in the bath.

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