A friend recently passed along this outstanding blog post from Honest Toddler called “Recipes.” If you have, or have ever had, a toddler, you will want to read this letter from an earnest toddler to his parents on how to feed him. EXACTLY how to feed him.
My own dear Seabass is, thank the Lord, a pretty good eater. Scratch that – a championship eater. But he occasionally gets fussy about the lack of symmetry in his blueberry muffin, or the temperature of his tomatoes. This excerpt from the “Recipes” post sums up what toddlers want us to know about food quite nicely.
Dinnertime is hard for all of us and I know why: you have terrible recipes. I’ve compiled several of my favorites below. Please print them out and put them on a fridge using a magnet. When it’s time for cooking, follow it and don’t get creative.
Honest Toddler Approved Recipes
1. Toast with Butter
Hold on to your seat! This is a yummy one!!
Step 1: Find an unbroken piece of perfect bread with no rips.
Step 2: Put in toaster. Don’t get distracted by a Facebook fight you have no business participating in.
Step 3: When toast pops out, INSPECT IT. Is it a uniform golden brown color? Is it still intact? If not, return to Step 1.
Step 4. Butter toast liberally.
Step 5: Ask toddler how he or she would like toast prepared or cut. Don’t make assumptions. You don’t know anything about anything.
Step 6: Serve toast.
Step 7: Has toddler changed their mind about toast? Does toddler want cut up toast to be whole again? Repair toast with your mind. If you’re not powerful enough, return to Step 1 AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES DON’T BE LAZY
Honest Toddler deserves a standing ovation for their accuracy on this one. “Repair toast with your mind.” Sure thing, darling! I’ll get right on that.