I’m pretty sure Jake planted this in my path in case I start thinking about having a second one.

12 May

I was recently hunting down an Excel spreadsheet for work and came across something that took my breath away.  It’s a spreadsheet chronicling Seabass’ sleep habits when he was about three months old.  Have a look.

My eyes!! It's burning my eyes!!!

Blue signifies Seabass’ sleep periods.  Blue is also the color of relaxation and calm.

Red signifies when Seabass was awake.  Red is also the color of aggression, agitation, and blood.

I must have blocked out whatever yellow stands for.

When I look at this horrid, vomitous melange of color, here’s my train of thought:

  1. If anyone ever accuses me of being a laid-back, easygoing type of person (not likely), I will smirk and then show them this.
  2. God I love Excel.
  3. Wouldja look at all those “fussies.”  Thank you Lord, those days are over.  I would choose a million days pulling Seabass out of the kitchen trash can (his newest stunt) before going back to the pain of raising him as a newborn.

14 Responses to “I’m pretty sure Jake planted this in my path in case I start thinking about having a second one.”

  1. Valarie May 12, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    I think a lot of first time moms do this, but I commend you for actually admitting it! I did this for the first six or seven weeks. And, like you, I have adored my child at every stage… but I never want to go back to those early days.

  2. Megan May 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    who can blame you? excel=#suckallthefunoutofparenting

    • jaimeclewis May 12, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

      No way. Excel was like a lifeline to the shore.

  3. Jenn Avila May 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    The second is easier. Just saying. It doesn’t get much worse than your first newborn. Stella is a dream!

    • jaimeclewis May 12, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

      You mean you’re not designing a sleep spreadsheet for Stella?!? Kidding. God bless you for giving me hope.

  4. Gina May 12, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    This made me smile. I recently ran across a notebook that I kept to chronicle my daughter’s first few weeks (think: scientific style notebook, not journal) and it made me re-evaluate having a second child for a while. 🙂

    However, I think you should definitely have another. Think of all the blog post ideas you’d have! Plus, you make such cute babies!

  5. g May 12, 2011 at 4:26 pm #

    Such a good reminder to me too! I had a sleep journal with Anika and the no-cry sleep solution book, etc, etc. But none of that with Dom. I totally forgot about that torture. And gorgeous excel by the way!

  6. Caroline May 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    Soooo glad that time is over for you guys.

    p.s. Anika was munching on the side of the garbage can an hour ago.

  7. AKeo May 12, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Newbornland, as I’ve coined it, is horrible. My boy sure was cute and I loved him every moment – but it was horrible. Am I really going to start trying for a second?

    We kept a notebook one week for night sleep and feedings. We were so tired, I couldn’t remember which breast I’d nursed from, how long I’d been nursing, or if it had been 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day since the last time he’d ate (kidding about the day thing – CPS is not necessary). Excel would have been much more organized!

  8. BA May 12, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    Yikes! That spreadsheet should be used as an abstinence teaching aid in schools! I have three and with each one the sleeping got easier. Either that or my hearing/patience diminished!

    • jaimeclewis May 12, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      Sleep spreadsheet: The New Birth Control.

  9. Debbie May 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    This is SO funny! I’ve used spread sheets for many things, but this is pretty creative. I wonder what Jake’s would have looked like when he was that age. I don’t think he ever slept 12 hours at night like Seabass does now.

  10. Jenny July 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    I found this sight while searching for pre-made spreadsheets… would you mind uploading yours so I could use it? We are working through some issues with my little guy 🙂

  11. Jenny July 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm #


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