When Kai named the baby.

This is my precious friend Jenny with her husband Kai on their wedding day:

Jenny and I met at work several years ago and have kept in close touch though we haven’t lived in the same city for more than a few months at a time since. Before I met her, though, I already knew Kai from his employment at Insomniac Video, the erstwhile mainstay of San Luis Obispo film culture where movies were literally split into sub-genres as anally specific as “Swords and Sandals.” Insomniac has since closed, may it rest in kitschy peace.

Jenny and Kai are an adorable couple who are, now, expecting. The following is part of a Google chat conversation between Jenny and me from earlier this week, with her explicit permission.

Jenny: we got our test results and ultrasound yesterday

me: yay!

Jenny: everything is perfect

me: of course it is.

Jenny: my baby is so cute already

me: you’re saying “him?”

Jenny: i think it’s a boy

but i don’t really care

me: i can totally see a boy

name ideas?

or am i being annoying?

Jenny: can i tell you some of kai’s suggestions?

they are totally amusing

me: oh please do

Jenny: manko

i’ll let that one sink in

me: cannot

stop

laughing

background on manko?

Jenny: some obscure reference in the good the bad and the ugly

me: natch

Jenny: i lost interest halfway through the story

but wait

there’s more

me: oh god i’m peeing

Jenny: i’ll let you catch your breath

me: kay. ready

Jenny: zircon

me: you’re going to hate me

i actually kinda like that

Jenny: shut up

me: for you, of course

not for my kid!

Jenny: it sounds like the bad guy in a sci fi movie

also zoltar

me: how about zoltar?

no way!!!!!!!!!!

I was literally typing that as you wrote it

but i’m kidding

don’t name your kid zoltar on account of me

Jenny: of course not

these are not even under consideration

the last one may be the worst

me: bring it

Jenny: chinu

the explanation is the best

it’s some native american name

and when i asked why this was a good idea

kai proceeded to tell me about his heretofore unnamed sioux roots

when i pressed him he could not actually name a native american relative

can you imagine a child named chinu?

me: oh, i’m dying

stop

kai is the poster child for haphazard american lineage

Jenny: i told kai that if he had any legitimate native american roots, i could not believe that he wasn’t cashing in on gaming money

and so i totally didn’t believe him

he was deeply offended

it was hilarious

me: seriously

if anyone is going to cash in on gaming money, it’s that cheap bastard

and i say that with all the love and respect in my heart