Dear future wife of Seabass: Hope you’re cool with a grown man who wears diapers.

10 Jul
Bored and photo-boothing it on a recent flight to Idaho.

Bored and photo-boothing on a recent flight to Idaho.

Potty training is hard.  But potty training on a deadline? Excruciating.

Seabass was recently enrolled in a wonderful preschool about which we’re all so excited.  Everything about it is spectacular.  Everything, that is, except for the potty training rule.

Yes, if you’re doing the math right now, you are realizing that Seabass is over three years old and STILL not potty trained.  Years ago, I would look at kids his age, see the papery frills of a man-sized diaper peeking out of his shorts, and think, Geez, get that kid on a toilet already. But now that the kid is my own, I can’t seem to make the whole toilet thing happen.

And is it even my “thing” to “make happen?”  Everyone disagrees on this.  The liability-avoiding folks at BabyCenter.com swear that Seabass will be ready when he’s ready, insisting that I’ll scar him for life if I force the issue of using the toilet.  But then I found someone online who swears that her training method can woo even the most potty-shy boys into potty swoonery in just three days:

Don’t wait for so called “readiness”

Don’tuse a “comfort” period to get used to the potty

Don’t go back to pull-ups or trainers at night…ever!

Don’t go backwards and either will you…

-www.PottyTrainingBoys.net

Okay, so her phrasing and punctuation aren’t tip-top.  (I cringe about every four words reading her PDF training booklet.)  But she certainly makes her point, and lawdy if I ain’t desperate to get this kid ready for school in the fall.  We’ve already lobbed a $100 non-refundable deposit at them, and if he isn’t squared away on the potty by August 6, we’ll be paying tuition just to hold his spot until he figures the potty out.  Did you catch that?  I’ll be paying for school even though he won’t be there.  He’ll be home.  With me.  Peeing and pooping on the rug while I look for a rope with which to fashion a noose.

Added to the madness of potty training on a deadline is the fact that life will be a bit insane leading up to it.  We are remodeling our kitchen starting this Saturday with enough trepidation to rattle even Jake and I into forgetting how to use the john.  How can we expect anything more from Seabass?

I don’t know what to do.  Do you?

 

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13 Responses to “Dear future wife of Seabass: Hope you’re cool with a grown man who wears diapers.”

  1. Anonymous July 10, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

    The Dr. Phil one day method really does work…

  2. Anonymous July 10, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

    I definitely do not recommend pull-ups! kids are way too smart for those. what worked for my boys was feeding them waaaaayyyy too much juice that they typically didn’t get, then wait….wait a little….more sooner or later it must come out! Encourage the potty when you see signs of potty time then offer a small treat for going to potty, we did a jellybean or M&M. give it a few weeks if he’s “ready” it should catch on! good luck 🙂 I know it certainly seems as though they will never catch on, but they will, hang in there! I also have a great book you can read to him by Dr.Sears “You can go to the potty” reading helps too and just talking about it!

  3. Megan July 10, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

    Quick story: my 3.5 yr old was ‘potty trained’ in the he peed fine, and even to the extent that he would wear training pants. But poop in a toilet? Out of the question. My pediatrician told me that ‘some boys’ have issues with their ‘body parts’ being flushed, and not to push it, or I would be causing all sorts of emotional trauma we would have to deal with later. A few months later, we were at my mothers, sitting around the table with all the cowboys in my family, when my little guy came in and told me he needed to go potty.
    All hell broke loose.
    ‘You mean to tell me you don’t shit in a toilet yet? What, are you still a baby? Do you still use a bottle?
    I burst into tears; he marched into the bathroom, pulled down his pants and pooped in that toilet.
    There are emotional scars, but I prefer to blame them on other terrible things that happened in his childhood.

    • Jaime July 10, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

      At this point I am not above shaming him.

    • Jerry's wife July 11, 2013 at 11:45 am #

      Awesome story Megan. That’s all. No great wisdom here Jaime, my first two were earlier potty trainers, but you’ve seen our attachment parenting in action, so I don’t think it came down to any hardcore training. Agreed, Pull-Ups are glorified diapers. My oldest would ask,” what am I wearing?” and if I answered Pull-Ups, he peed or pooped right after. We did at one point use M&Ms to break a #2 stalemate, but my friend w/ a 3-1/2 year old son has offered fabulous bribes and he’s standing firm against all potty-training. I did appreciate that the hippie preschool we went to accepted kiddos wherever they were, but it was a co-op, so there were many hands on deck to assist with potty training. Have you tried the no undies, no diaper, walk around the house half-naked method? May be worth the accidents to make the deadline 🙂

      Funny, I hadn’t even read this when I posted a link the other day to a potty chair w/ an iPad mount. Desperate times…

  4. Katie Spiller July 10, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    I have a 3 year old son who is also not potty trained. I don’t know when he’ll be ready to use the potty, so we’ve opted to find a couple of preschools that don’t require children to be out of diapers. I know it seems like the best programs are the ones that don’t “accept” diaper-wearing kids. We’ve done many things to try and encourage our little guy to actually use his little potty, but so far he’s just sat on it. I guess he’ll do it when he’s ready….who knows, I don’t really know what I’m doing as he is my first born. Good luck to you and Seabass!

  5. sarah July 11, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    after hearing from my son’s daycare that he was ready, my husband asked me if it was ok if he just took away the diapers cold turkey on a weekend that i was away for a wedding. ok? ha! i told him to do what he wanted, i wasn’t there to clean anything up. apparently he did fantastically, with a minimum of pee accidents (no poo accidents). we’ve had a few accidents occasionally since then, but he was mostly trained in that one weekend. so my recommendation would be to set aside a few days (and preferably some alternate care for the baby so that your attention and focus isn’t divided…and maybe some wine) and go diaper-less. some folks advocate for being naked, i found that having him wear underwear was more effective b/c it made it more uncomfortable when he was wet. yes, you’ll have to clean up some accidents. it will be frustrating, but you’ll get through. he may not be fully trained at the end of it, but i’m guessing he’ll have gotten the idea and you’ll be a lot closer.

    i also agree with the comment above about no pull-ups. switch to ‘big boy underpants’ and make a big deal of it–let him choose his own and get excited about them before you make the switch. i did use a small reward at first (an m&m or two for successful potty-ing), but that backfired on me quickly so we got rid of treats altogether. every kid is different. this may or may not work, but so far it’s my only experience. god help me with boy #2…based on his personality something tells me that our old tricks may not work with him when the time comes.

  6. Anonymous July 11, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    We used the Oh Crap Potty training method, it worked wonders for us!
    http://www.jamieglowacki.com/

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Addendum to the potty training post. | Higher Highs, Lower Lows - July 11, 2013

    […] yesterday I posted about Seabass and his lack of potty skills.  About an hour after the post published, I took him over to my friend Amy’s house to play […]

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