Potty training is hard. But potty training on a deadline? Excruciating.
Seabass was recently enrolled in a wonderful preschool about which we’re all so excited. Everything about it is spectacular. Everything, that is, except for the potty training rule.
Yes, if you’re doing the math right now, you are realizing that Seabass is over three years old and STILL not potty trained. Years ago, I would look at kids his age, see the papery frills of a man-sized diaper peeking out of his shorts, and think, Geez, get that kid on a toilet already. But now that the kid is my own, I can’t seem to make the whole toilet thing happen.
And is it even my “thing” to “make happen?” Everyone disagrees on this. The liability-avoiding folks at BabyCenter.com swear that Seabass will be ready when he’s ready, insisting that I’ll scar him for life if I force the issue of using the toilet. But then I found someone online who swears that her training method can woo even the most potty-shy boys into potty swoonery in just three days:
I Don’t wait for so called “readiness”
I Don’tuse a “comfort” period to get used to the potty
I Don’t go back to pull-ups or trainers at night…ever!
I Don’t go backwards and either will you…
Okay, so her phrasing and punctuation aren’t tip-top. (I cringe about every four words reading her PDF training booklet.) But she certainly makes her point, and lawdy if I ain’t desperate to get this kid ready for school in the fall. We’ve already lobbed a $100 non-refundable deposit at them, and if he isn’t squared away on the potty by August 6, we’ll be paying tuition just to hold his spot until he figures the potty out. Did you catch that? I’ll be paying for school even though he won’t be there. He’ll be home. With me. Peeing and pooping on the rug while I look for a rope with which to fashion a noose.
Added to the madness of potty training on a deadline is the fact that life will be a bit insane leading up to it. We are remodeling our kitchen starting this Saturday with enough trepidation to rattle even Jake and I into forgetting how to use the john. How can we expect anything more from Seabass?
I don’t know what to do. Do you?